12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
