Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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