Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
