It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
