Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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