And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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