i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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