i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
