im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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