Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
