sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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