so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
