I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Say something about gay babies.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
