dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
