There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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