fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
