Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
