I can tuck mytits in my pants
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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