Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
