And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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