So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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