Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
no, he came in my armpit
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
