there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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