Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
