just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
