Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
