I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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