The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
