You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
