The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
There are leaves in my underwear?
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