She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
