i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
