people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
