I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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