Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
