dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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