I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
