no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
