I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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