I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
