Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Plan B is the new Plan A
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
