I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
