Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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