Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
