I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i believe in u and ur pee
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
