I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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