i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
