I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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