it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
