so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
