I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
