I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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